We are a same sex married couple about to embark on our journey to become mommies through reciprocal IVF. My beautiful wife will be providing “her eggs” and I will be providing “my nest” hence the name of our blog.
My wife is 34, and I am 28 . We live in Southern California. We have been married for 2 years 7 months and 3 days as of Christmas (but who’s counting?!) Our marriage is built on 9+ years of friendship, and I am so proud to say that she is not just my wife but also my best friend. We both work full time and we love to travel. It was during our vacation earlier this year when we decided we were ready to start a family… so here we are!
At this time, we have not told our family or friends about our plans to have a baby, therefore we will not be disclosing our names on our blog just yet. While we have a very strong support system and we know they all have good intentions, we know that they may not comprehend how intense this is going to be. ANY and EVERY opinion or comment can and probably will affect us, good or bad. When the time is right, we will tell them about the journey (and our blog) and hopefully our entries will help them understand why we have made the decisions we have.
We also hope this blog will help us connect with those who have gone through, or are going through reciprocal IVF, and inspire those who are considering it. We know this is the road less traveled, but we are sure it will be worth every mile. We look forward to sharing our stories, the good, bad and the ugly (hopefully, not too ugly) and we look forward to hearing about yours.
Her eggs. My nest. 
Stopping by to let you know that I’ve nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award. I love your writing, and really appreciate you sharing your story. I hope you’ll accept (instructions in my post), but either way, thank you for writing.
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Hiiii! Wow am I glad i found your blog- like so glad! My wife and I are considering reciprocal IVF- I will carry and she’ll be the donor. She is 36 and I am 44- yikes! We’ve tried 3 rounds of IUI for her to get pregnant but it didn’t happen so now we’re kind of at a crossroads. She’s a police officer and I think her daily stress is just too much! This is such a crazyass journey/ it’s nice to read and relate to your story. We used CA CRYO for our donor- they’re great! Anyway- just wanted to say hey and it’s nice to not feel so alone in this nutty process!
-Dre
Oh we’re in so cal too- Orange County (no jokes please! I left long beach when we got married to live with her- ugh miss the LBC!)
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Welcome to our blog!! Yes it’s a very, very crazy (and expensive) journey but I am sure it will be worth every minute of it! Stress plays a huge factor in conceiving so her career could be affecting the process but…. but I’m not a doctor lol There are a few other reciprocal IVF blogs on WordPress too, you should check them out. 🙂 best wishes to you ladies!
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Thx I will check them out!!
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Sorry I was responding from my phone. Here are a few of THE Reciprocal IVF blogs I follow. They’e all great and have been so inspiring! The first 2 have had babies with their partners, the last is currently pregnant.
https://herbunmyoven.wordpress.com/
http://lezbmommies.blogspot.com/
https://floatalittle.wordpress.com/
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Rad! Thanks so much- I was just literally re-reading your blog to see if you mentioned any of the other blogs… N then I saw your email. Thx!!
Btw- not sure if you are allowed to say- but… Is “dr L” dr Lee from reproductive partners by any chance?? I went to him a few years back when I was looking into getting pregnant on my own- prior to meeting my wife. I liked him a lot… We have Kaiser and we were told kaiser works with some clinics and offers a discount on IVF (since kaiser doesn’t cover IVF at all)…
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It actually is Dr. Lee. He was very nice but we got an uneasy feeling from Margie (financial). Dont get me wrong she was SO nice but she would forget a lot of things and we would have to remind her. They do offer KP members a generous discount (50% off clinical and 25% off the IVF packages) i work for Kaiser. some plans offer infertility and VERY few offer ivf coverage. We have IUI benefits but it wasnt the route we wanted to take 🙂 i would check with member services to see if you have any infertility benefits even if its just the diagnostic testing. i did my research and the clinic we are using actually matched the pricing Dr. Lee gave us! So i would definitley look around. the other blogs are amazing. Without them i would have been in the dark. There are so many other good blogs i follow that either used IUI or other traditional IVF (not reciprocal.
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Thx!! yes our KP coverage covers IUI – for my wife to get pregnant- not for me- I missed the cutoff by 1 year- crap! But with her crazy stressful job, we think we might have a better chance with me getting pregnant w her eggs- even tho I’m 44. Appreciate the feedback! Can u say what the name of the clinic that you guys ended up going with??
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What do you mean missed the cut off? (just curious) I understand the job situation, that must be intense for her! And you’re welcome! We’re going through American Reproductive Centers in Costa Mesa.
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When we were deciding whether my wife or Inwoukd carry- our KP Dr told us that kaiser insurance only covers IUI if you’re 42 years old or younger- and I was 43- so since they’d cover the IUI procedure for my wife we figured our best odds of getting pregnant were to go with her trying to get pregnant. Thx for the name of your clinic! We have to schedule an apt soon with KP to go over our next options- we could do another 3 IUI (KP covers 6 rounds for under 42 years old). But again w my wife’s stressful job even if she did get pregnant she’d be at risk to lose it with all the craziness she does… It’s so hard to know what the right thing to do is! The cost of IVF is crazy! But was encouraged to read about possible discounts you mentioned. We’ll know more once we meet with clinics.
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Ohhh ok I understand. I work in the insurance dept so I don’t really know much about the clinical guidelines but I can tell you the policy doesn’t mention age at all. ::ahemFILE-A-COMPLAINTahem:: haha. IVF is ridiculously high. We saw Dr. Murray at Alton Sand Canyon. We loved her but she doesn’t do IVF (obviously). They recommended we saw Dr. Lee (which we had) but we’re extremely happy with Dr. Abdullah. Ugh, the cost is ridiculous! We’re pushing $20,000 out of pocket as of right now ($17,000 just last year)!!!
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Oh wow! Interesting about the policy not having an age limit….hmmmm!
I just googled American and read the profiles on both Dr As- both seem pretty great. I’m totally worried about the money but more so about the prospect of not having a family with my wife- she on the other hand is a bit more freaked out about the cost- it wouldn’t be so bad if there was a guarantee of a baby at the end– I hate that I think of the negatives- ‘what if it doesn’t work’ over and over in my head that I make myself nuts!
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oh yes, i forgot there are two! our doctor is Dr. Mazin. i’m with you! i wish there was a guarantee too. =/ it’s a lot of money to gamble with but i would regret not taking the chance while we have it. who knows what the future has in store for us. if this does not work at least we can say we tried, ya know? 🙂 wishing you ladies the best of luck!!!
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Absolutely!!! Definitely gotta try!
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